We are the Gladers
So close yet so far.
I haven’t talk to this guy since the end of October. After 4 months of not talking to each other even though we’re classmates and used to be so close, we finally forgot about the mess and okay na kami.
And yep, I miss the whole SF. Sana birthday ko nalang palagi para magkasama tayong lima, but I guess the only thing permanent in this world is change. Pero sana naman hindi niyo ako makakalimutan.
Sorry for the haggard face. I was crying during that time. Haha.
I thought today was going to be worst. I realized it was the other way around.
I slept 12:30, because I wasn’t that sleepy. Then I woke up 5 hours later, and saw my friend’s text message about going to school earlier than usual. She wanted to talk to me, but I don’t know what it was like.
I cried thrice today.
My friend talked to me during break, she wanted to share things when I texted her if she was available because I will be celebrating my birthday. She said it all, and I cried. I cried because I was touched with her words, she understood what I was going through.
Nobody else greeted me aside from Zherlynn, Jobel, Lynne, Jana and just a few. Even my used-to-be friends didn’t say a word, maybe just hi but not the greeting I’ve been expecting. But why would I have such high expectations when in fact, we’re much like strangers?
The second time I cried was weirder. The weight in my chest grew heavier by the minute, and I couldn’t control my feelings anymore. I just cried. Maybe something triggered; maybe it’s the effect of overthinking. It’s just that why would I celebrate and be happy with one event in my life if people I consider friends are all gone? And it’s all because of me?
All of the seniors were gathered in the lobby for a briefing for tomorrow’s NAT. After such, it was dismissal. We weren’t allowed to go back to the rooms anymore. Since I’ll be celebrating my birthday, I invited as many as possible because I have my mind set about them not going. That was a possibility.
It took us minutes to wait in the lobby. Students from other year levels passed, teachers too. There were tons of people, but it wasn’t that crowded. I found Patrick, Fatima and Des walking outside. I thought of texting them, maybe they could just try to drop by but I saw Patrick walk back to the lobby so I had to change my mind.
We were waiting for Alyssa because she had to find her younger sister. I was staying with the others, the ones I have invited. It took us a lot of minutes, actually. After Alyssa got there, we stayed for a while because Jana had to ask for permission from her parents. I saw Patrick, Fatima, Eizu and Des with other people, that’s why I couldn’t text them. I turned my back on them, pretending like I never saw them in the same lobby.
Although the noise was running rampant around the lobby, something broke the noise that I could only bear.
I heard people singing a happy birthday behind me. I thought it wasn’t for me. But considering that I was the only one celebrating my birthday inside that very hall, I don’t think it was a coincidence.
I saw Patrick, Eizu, Fatima and Des walking towards me with other batchmates holding a piece of paper. Each paper had one letter inscribed, forming a “Happy Birthday” with that awesome drawing of a cake. I tried to hide behind the wide mirror but I still can’t escape. Students and teachers were looking at me, but with that smile.
I kept on looking at the floor, because it was definitely awkward. With me having a cold treatment from Patrick, with me having an awkward conversation with Fatima and with me having scarcity in terms of time to hangout with Eizu, I feel embarrassed because they’ve done it and I couldn’t even do a single thing for them.
It was then, for the third time, I cried.
They gave me brownies and chocolates on a plate which they borrowed in the canteen. (Didn’t return it tho, badass you mean) And I really liked the chocolates. We were about to go but I got a not-so-clear sight of someone being pushed towards my direction so I had to move away but pretend as if I didn’t see anything. I kept on staring at the plate, laughing.
"Jean! May mag-greet," I felt nervous.
I already knew who was standing in front of me. Long khaki pants, stick-like figure, a bit taller than me. With all of my boy classmates or even friends, there’s only one who looked exactly like him, Aljun.
I felt sorry for myself for holding tight to my pride. And after 4 months of treating each other like invisible human beings, we finally had the chance to talk.
I was really happy. Even though for so long I’ve considered SF as a broken bond, we were back to the way we used to be. Actually, Eizu thought of going to SM Lanang (the usual hangout) but I had to celebrate my birthday.
We walked and rode jeepneys then reached the venue. Before we ate, one gave each other a message and their messages struck me the most. Aljun was precise in telling when was the last time we talked and he said it was 4 months ago. Fatima said that even though we’re not the way we used to be, I still treated her the same. And the others said about missing me for not being able to go laag with them.
I kept on staying under the table, and Aljun did too, endlessly smiling and the only thing I could do is laugh. Less than two or exactly two hours after, we all bid goodbye. I went to SM and ate at Vikings because birthday celebrants can access for free! The ones who sang a happy birthday to me was definitely awesome, made me laugh hard!
It was the best. I never thought it would be this way.
Pictures and probably a video soon!
Probably not the anonymous questions, haha! But, I wish I would talk to you very soon! Heehee, natouch pa tuloy ako ng bonggang bongga sa sinabi mo! Aww geez, thank you! I feel so old though hahaha.
Did you talk to me recently lang? Hahaha, I think it was you. I think lang ha, hahaha! But anyway, kung sino ka man, whether tama yung guess ko or not, I want you to know na gumaan yung feeling ko after reading your messages. You’re too sweet! *hugs you tight*
I’ll be 17 in approximately 3 and a half hours and I think I’m coping up. Haha.
It’s really painful tho, honestly speaking. But yes, you’re right! Change is always there, it is inevitable. There’s nothing else I can do, and maybe God has better in store for me. For the meantime, it still hurts. I guess time heals, well.. hopefully. Thank you, anon. This one really made me smile! Aww, I love you anon!
I actually thought the message I got was about The Maze Runner (after reblogging that utterly awesome photoset) but here’s the thing. I’ll be straightforward. My answer would be yes.
I think it all started because of me. But I don’t know exactly how would that happen. We were still so close back in June or July, I think. They all got new friends after though we try to talk to each other but it’s awkward or maybe sometimes, we don’t even talk at all. They really have new and much better friends than me, which might be the best for them. *cries* And yesterday, I realized that they were together in the malls while I sat and read their tweets on Twitter. I realized that they don’t miss me at all, or even want me to be their friend again. It’s just sad. But I tried to understand, I tried to convince myself that March will be over soon. This pain will eventually go away but still, it hurts.
Soon, I’ll be leaving my immature side. I just knew that the immature side of me made people love me. I sound too immature for my age, I’m sixteen yet I tried to be as flexible as possible. But in a few days, the funny thing about birthdays will soon happen—it happens every year.
This is probably the loneliest, worst birthday celebration I might ever have. I’ve lost control, then I lost buckets and buckets and buckets of people who used to be so important to me. I guess it was my fault. Everything is my fault. I am responsible, if anyone would blame me right now.
Soon, I’ll be 17. The perfect reminder that college is just behind me. Konting push nalang, konting tiis nalang, konting tulog nalang then high school is over. The suffering will be over soon. But realizing such things made me think of regrets.
Anyway, I don’t have plans for my birthday. I just don’t.